I’ve been reading a lot about the best ways to welcome a newborn baby into the world. Everything I’ve read (and I realise I am self-selecting what I WANT to read and WANT to do with my baby) has suggested that holding your child and giving the child lots of attention is best for everyone.
So I had to laugh a little when I received one of these weekly emails about pregnancy; the opening article was about this amazing new idea called Kangaroo Care, when the mother holds the baby near her skin. The father can do it too.
I keep thinking that every parent would want to hold their child near them. But I have to remember that isn’t always the case. And I shouldn’t judge.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia with David. While we were eating lunch, I saw another table at the cafe with three women and a baby in a stroller. One woman was the mom, one was a nanny and the other may have been mom’s coworker. The baby was desperate for mom’s attention, reaching out, crying and wimpering. She would periodically lean oven and give him something but basically ignored him for her other lunch partners or her cell phone. When she got up to pay, he cried out for her more and she didn’t even acknowledge him. As they left, the nanny pushed the stroller and mom walked behind, not even with the baby.
I understand not everyone shares my values, and I probably won’t be the parent I’ve idealized in my imagination. When my step kids are at our house, I talk to them, play with them, make things with them. I try to share my thoughts and listen to theirs (age appropriate, of course). And when Raspberry is born, I do hope that I will take the time to listen to his needs and fulfill as best as I can.
Forward Movement 
I couldn’t stop holding my baby! They say you can’t spoil a baby, so hold them all you want. Both my husband and I are very affectionate with our son who is now five. Hopefully when he is older, he will still want to give us a big hug…..even in front of his friends!
We are quite possibly some of the most affectionate, interactive parents I’ve ever met. From day 1, our children were always held, snuggled, loved, and basically integrated into every aspect of our lives. They both slept in bed with us for quite some time. I know…GASP!!!!…but they were perfectly safe. It made life easier for me as a breast feeding mom, they slept better because they could feel my skin, I slept better because I didn’t have to get up and check to see if they were breathing every five minutes (yes….I am a worry wart), and it actually was not difficult at all to put them in their own beds. It was a very peaceful experience rather than one being full of all of this stress and sleepless nights that I hear other moms talk about. A lot of people would say we spend way too much time with them. But I beg to differ. We’ve always taken them everywhere we go. Fast forward 10 years for our oldest and 8 for our youngest, and we have some of the most loving, well behaved little boys. Discipline has never really been a big issue for us because we very rarely have to do it. It just seems that the more a child feels loved and respected, the more they just naturally want to obey the rules and do what pleases mommy and daddy. Are they perfect? Heavens no. But when people think about children on planes or in restaurants, they usually cringe. With ours, we’re almost always complimented by people passing by about how well behaved they are. They just honestly want to be good. That’s not to say they are robots either. They let loose and have a blast in most places, especially when daddy encourages it, just like ‘normal’ children do. But they don’t do the crazy things that many kids do for attention because they don’t have to. It’s been given on a constant basis their whole lives. Just my 2 cents. 🙂
I have lots of friends who have co-slept, and I want to for all the reasons you mention! My concerns are 1) our 65 lb dog who is always climbing in our bed 2) the number of blankets we usually use in winter to keep warm (I’m due January 6). We’ll have to see how it goes.
And it does seem like the more affection you give kids, especially boys (I have no official evidence to back this up, only observation) they more comfortable they are with themselves and the better they act in the world.
Would the dog sleep in a crate? Or is it too late for that? Does he have to sleep in your room? Also, they make these cosleepers that attach to the side of your bed. So you could literally still be sleeping right next to him and still have your blankets, but not have any blankets on him. I will say that I tried to use it, and it didn’t work for us, but I didn’t have 2 adults and a dog in my bed, so I also didn’t try very hard to use it. 🙂 My brother and his wife used it until Olivia was about 9 months old and it worked really well for them. If you lived closer you could borrow that one to see if you would like it.
Yea…what Melissa said. 🙂 I would certainly suggest trying to crate the dog if he/she absolutely needs to be in your room. If you start now, by the time the little one is born, you could possibly be able to leave the crate door open and have no worries about the pup jumping in your bed or leaving the crate. It’ll just become second nature for him/her to sleep in there…..especially if you leave pieces of clothing or fabric with your scent on it in the crate. As far as the winter blankets go, we had a little side sleeper that ours slept in and kept our blankets to ourselves. I usually just kept my arm out of the blankets though and their little hands were generally on it. 🙂 I suppose I was in need of that skin/skin contact as much as they were. I don’t know that it works this way for all moms…but I didn’t have any issues with endangering my boys in the bed. Once I had them, I became such a light sleeper and was always aware of where they were in relation to myself and the extra blankets.
The dog is old and sassy. He becomes really annoying when we close the door to our bedroom and he is outside of it. He has just started sleeping on the bed again lately. I always shoo him off, but he comes back, especially if I’m up. 🙂 My step kids totally get it – they won’t be able to come in our bed anymore once the baby is born unless we are awake. But, as they say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks…
I will look into the co-sleepers. I would prefer to just have him (the baby) in the bed with my husband and me, but I don’t want to risk him getting hurt.
I also agree with Elaina, that I was very aware of where Travis was and if he was too close to any blankets even in my sleep. It sounds funny, but you’ll be the same way.